Wedding vibezzz today because @staceysmyth and @kylerjacksonofficial are finally tying the knot!!! So happy and excited for these amazing people! Can’t wait to celebrate your love! 💕✨ shoutout to @danielleebrownn for taking the cutest photos! You’re the best 💕💕
I was initially “forced” to learned this (by my therapist🙏🏻) when I first encountered people who had a mean or defensive reaction to hearing that I quit drinking.
BUT THEN the real beauty came when I realized this applied to other areas of my life.
I spent a lifetime working (hard) to get other people to like me or be happy with my work or think I was whatever I thought was “best” for our relationship. This wasn’t the only thing that contributed to loads of anxiety and unnecessary stress... but it sure as shit was a BIG part of it.
Trying to control or be responsible for other people’s thoughts/actions/feelings is a direct path to emotional strife.
It’s still practice, but the more I try to free myself of this burden, the better I feel. Give it a go 🤗
It was around the time I decided to live a sober life when Rory said, “Is this just another example of you being hard on yourself, babe?”
as if my giving up drinking were simply
an annoying little habit i did away with
like nail biting or scrolling social
as opposed to the chokehold soul-sucking vampire it had become.
I was stunned.
How the hell could he not know the depth of this thing?
He’d been my ride-or-die since I was 19, when my drinking really started to get ugly.
He’d witnessed my benders, my daily pours, my blackouts.
He’d witnessed my hangovers, my shame, my guilt.
He’d witnessed my cravings, my hot tears,
all my resentment + anger about this being my thing.
He’s really seen it up close.
And although I understood that on paper I’ve appeared “normal,” and in some circles my drinking looked just like everyone else’s, when I got sober I figured he'd be the one to be like, "Yes this makes sense." But that's not the case. While I have tried to plead my case of why I need to live a life without booze (which is sort of funny, right?) he hasn’t truly grasped the WHY of my sobriety. .
Understanding what I meant when I told him, that for me, continuing to choose alcohol in my life was continuing to choose death: Death of my heart, death of my potential, death of my service, death of my love, death of my legacy, death of my life force, death of my truth. The MUST of it.
But this weekend as we drove home together from the NH mountains, I read to him from my mentor @laura_mckowen new book. With each chapter, each passage, each word I read, I could feel the knowing come in for him. The relating. The understanding of my 37-year long dance + breakup with alcohol.
Thru Laura’s words, he could see more of me.
More of the broken parts
More of my internal world
More of the human wound.
More me. .
And I felt a little less alone.
and a little more grateful.
How does your partner relate to your recovery? Your sobriety? .
[This pic of us was taken 2 weeks into my sobriety. You can see the the rawness, the newness, the fear and the hope in my eyes.}
Well the results are in and Juliette did not win the presidency at Pinebrook. 💔 We are all so proud of her for working hard & being brave. 💪🏻 Luckily, we had already planned a little family getaway and it fixed her right up. 💕 #cantwinemall#proudofourgirl#wearetheluckiest#jujube
6 hours ago
Woke up this morning feeling clear-headed after an evening spent with family. I’m back at my flat now feeling super content after being away down South. A whole weekend spent having quality time connecting with loved ones. Lots of laughs and merriment. Lots of Nosecco was drunk by me. Lots of lovely moments that I’ll remember forever. ✨ A very different story to a few months ago when in the same location and with the same family members I got so drunk I don’t remember half the night. The hangover was so bad it became my tipping point - the time when I realised I’d had enough of drinking and decided to get sober for good. There’s been lots of alcohol around this weekend but it hasn’t bothered me at all and I’m so very grateful for my family members who don’t make a big deal of my sobriety and who wordlessly keep my glass topped up with Nosecco. Feeling very content and grateful 🙏
“This is how the love relationship is meant to work, each partner transforming the other. The strength and power of each is untangled, shared.
He gives her the heart drum. She gives him the knowledge of the most complicated rhythms and emotions imaginable.
Who knows what they will hunt together?
We only know that they will be nourished to the end of their days.
#womenwhorunwiththewolves 🍁🍂🍁🍂 It’s been a heavy & beautiful week that I am still processing. I wish everything could standstill while I do, but that’s not how any of it works, is it?
I wake up early, I read, I sit, I contemplate, I study, I learn, I digest, I love, I move. I feel. We keep going.
Life is one of a kind. Looking back through all of it is such a gift. I am looking through the thousands of photos on my phone. So much joy, so much appreciation for everything.
My heart is full- it actually feels heavy, like I just want to lay flat on the ground, life has always weighed on me. It roots me.
As I have learned more about myself each year I’ve discovered that I am just that, an earthy and watery type human. I feel deeply. In my body and my emotions. I root. I flow. I have my fires but they do not drive me like others.
Being is what I strive for.
Stability. Safety. Affection.
These are my gold stars.
I feel more like myself as I lean into this every day.
We’re meant to be ourselves. Each a beautiful sunset that doesn’t need changing to be loved.
Energy will respond to you right here, today. You’re surrounded by it. You are it. The power that lies inside each of us is astounding. Life. ❤️ Hug your loves. Tell them they matter to you. A six second kiss. A six second hug. More than the minimum.
We are the luckiest and we’re here right now. Your heart is special and you have something beautiful to create and build and leave in the ❤️ and 🤚 of others. I really believe that. I have seen it.
Happy Sunday, take care of your soul today. It’s the most important piece. As above, so below, Sunbeams. ✨
What I know for sure about healing is that it starts really small. It’s the pause to take a breath, or being grateful for something, even when that something wasn’t shot out of a unicorn’s ass, or, it’s just noticing the steam rising from your coffee and being totally present in that moment. It’s doing all of these small things consistently. It’s keeping a promise to yourself to be more of an active participant in your own life.
10 hours ago
Do you ever have those moments when you don’t know which voice to listen to?? There’s the voice that says work, work, work. That the projects will never get done if you don’t have an espresso and get busy. Then there’s the voice that reminds you you’re tired. That you never rest and yet, you wonder why you feel tired, like, all the time.
These past few weeks, I have been trying to reconnect with the things that fill me cup. (Sometimes have you ever spent so much time NOT doing these things that you forget what they are??)
I am staying at Zoetry Resort in Mexico for work, and yesterday morning, I let myself spend time outside just reading. Enjoying the sun (my doctor told me I am vitamin D deficient!!!) and reading. Someone with more sober time than I have suggested that I read a fun book (ha! Remember those??) and so I brought Busy Philippe’ ‘This Will Only Hurt a Little’ and I finished it in about a day and a half. I was surprised at how much I related—but then again, she spent her high school years in Scottsdale, as did I.
Anyway, I’m grateful for the downtime. A lesson that I’ve really been trying to take to heart is that I don’t need to do, do, do to be whole or to be loved. I can be a complete person without needing to accomplish something every minute of every day. It will probably take a while to fully live that message, but I’m trying. What about you? Are you a doer? Do you feel like you have to accomplish to be loved? ✨✨✨
You know, I'm a bit under the weather today, but knowing I haven't made it any worse makes me very happy! Thinking back, it seems beyond crazy I used to give myself self inflicted flu (in the form of a hangover) every single Sunday. Throw the hangxiety on top and no wonder Sundays were a right off!
I just Googled “chronic fatigue” after spending most of the day in bed. I promise I’ll call my doctor if this continues after today…
I went to bed at 7:30 last night. I did take 2 sleeping pills to ensure I’d get a full night of sleep. Well, I didn’t wake up for 12 hours. By the way, I rarely use sleeping pills. I especially haven’t needed them ever since I quit drinking and started listening to ASMR every night.
Anyway, I woke up feeling totally exhausted. It was difficult getting out of bed. Every little thing I’ve done today has been so tiring, like walking up the stairs, making breakfast, and trying to focus on my homework. I’m even struggling to write this all. I feel super lethargic, disoriented and lightheaded, to the point where it feels like I’m going to pass out. Sometimes it seems like I’m slurring my words and it feels exhausting to talk. I took a two hour nap and woke up feeling the same.
I don’t know if I’m just having an off day, experiencing intense after effects of the sleeping pills, or if all the stress that’s been building up over the weeks is hitting me all at once. I feel very low, depressed and unmotivated.
I’ve been having waves of anxiety and guilt today too. There’s been so much going on for me since the beginning of September, I feel like I’m disappointing people by repeatedly cancelling plans and not checking in on how they’re doing. During my nap today I dreamt that I told my mom I was severely depressed and I was sobbing. I’d say that’s a red flag LOL. I have to just give myself permission to not feel guilty and allow myself to rest today.
Luckily I don’t have an overwhelming amount of homework this weekend. I’m considering going to yoga and meditation Sunday night to ease my way into the work week. I haven’t been to my yoga studio in so long due to my packed schedule.
There are only 5 weeks left until the end of the semester, then I’ll have an entire week off from work. It’s going to be amazing and I cannot wait to destress. Anyway, thanks for listening. I hope this all makes sense because my brain feels so scrambled right now.
Yesterday I weighed in on a contentious topic on Twitter. In retrospect, I probably didn’t have the spoons to absorb the backlash, but hindsight is 20/20.
I was able to brush off the more aggressive attacks on my intelligence and appearance, but one comment was a gut punch. “I guess Ally wasn’t getting enough attention lately.” I immediately felt ashamed, embarrassed and remorseful for taking up space and putting my perspective out there. I woke up thinking about this comment repeatedly last night (I have anxiety, this is life for me). For a very long time I hid my insecurities, I hid my struggles with mental illness. I hid my problem drinking.
I don’t want to do this anymore because hiding in silence just invites more people to join you in the shadows.
Sharing your story takes courage and strength. It’s realizing that others might be suffering alone and wanting more than anything to pull them out of the dark that you lived in for so long.
Don’t hide your voice because others make assumptions about your intentions. Without other women like @anndowsettjohnstob@holly@africabrooke and @laura_mckowen having the fortitude to stand up, I’d still be alone in my shame.
Sharing your journey and your experience will show others they have a choice in their own paths. That’s invaluable.
Don’t ever be quiet.
The 3rd milestone on the run up to the big 100!
Very proud of this as I’ve stayed stone cold sober for the entirety of our holiday.
Big thank you to Kev Fish who also stuck to soda too since I now wrinkle my nose at the smell of alcohol on breathe! Oops!
Flying back home this evening and looking forward to cuddling the pups, getting the camera out and getting ready for my first sober Christmas!
💪💪💪 what can I say? Being sober is the foundation of everything good in my life. I’m beyond grateful. Sobriety has given me so much. High high standards, boundaries, assertiveness, self-worth, self-love and a feeling of empowerment to name a few. A life that is in alignment with my values. ✨ #sobergirl#sober#sobriety#soberlife#selflove#healing#wearetheluckiest
Thank you Sober club member Enid! We’re so lucky #wearetheluckiest to be doing this sober thing now - there’s no need to feel like the odd one out anymore - amazing bars like @redemptionbar and so ma y more I want to go to around the uk - such great brands offering amazing af drinks @wisebartenderuk loving @sea_arch@outfoxdrinks want to try some more kombucha a @noughtywine ( thank you @lussmanns@andrei_lussmann for stocking it! For artisan tonics and syrups check out @jeffreystonic & shrubs from @nonsuchshrubs - then there’s the amazing teas - I’ve found some incredible riddance’s and proper teas Who Knew! @pukkaherbs@chucklinggoat - I always suggest not using the phrase ‘giving up’ because it’s about what you’re gaining ... if you used to enjoy an alcoholic drink as a ‘ritual’ keep the ritual - nice glass, ice, trimmings ... pimp your drinks .. and can we ‘teclaim’ the wine glass for gods sake - why does the shape of a glass have be determined by what’s in it! Shall we call it ‘goblet?’ .. sounds a bit Harry Potter sadly ... The Sober Club is open btw if you want inspiration motivation accountability & amazing resources on health and wellbeing mindset et al link in bio #thesoberclub#alcoholfreelife#sobrietyrocks#soberlifestyle
This picture still cracks me up. I didn’t “feel” like a baby back then but it was taken almost 20 years ago! Some things about a person apparently never change. Also every time I feel scared about a goal or a new challenge, I remember that this baby right here is an Iraq war vet and I can definitely do hard things #veteransday2019#wearetheluckiest
1 week ago
So hard to capture all the color and texture here. It was fun to mix up so many pastels. This is part of my floral mini collection. All pieces are 6x6 and priced at $45. DM to reserve #floralart#popart#artfinder#wearetheluckiest
2 weeks ago
Not officially doing a November gratitude challenge but if I was this would top the list. Making art and having fun all weekend with my niece and nephew. Hard to believe there was a time years ago when I’d show up with a big bottle of wine for nighttime on these weekends. It sounds almost absurdly unnecessary now. The joy of being fully present, not numbing or clouding all of the messy, chaotic beauty of life has got to be the thing I am most grateful for and this weekend is yet another powerful reminder. Still in awe that I made it here 💗 #gratitudechallenge#soberliving#wearetheluckiest
In prepping our Marketing 101:Storyselling workshop for artists (this Sunday Oct 6th at 11am at @afascranton ) @cristinpowers and I couldn’t help getting into deep conversations on how inextricably tied our art is to who we are and our deepest values. How much courage it takes, how vulnerable we feel, how much believing in ourselves is everything. For sure, it is a success to just call yourself an artist ( many never get there), even more to share your work. That’s huge. We hope you will attend and we think you’ll get a lot out of it. #artistsoninstagram#artsmarketing#scrantonfringefestival#scrantonmade#wearetheluckiest
15 year old letters that I sent my dad when I was stationed in Iraq in 2004 💗 I miss letters and need to write and send them more. These are going in an album. Do you ever send real letters? #letterwriting#analogart#warletters
P.S. also, if you think it’s too late to reinvent yourself, it’s not. You can do it as many times as you want. Be brave with your life, you only get one! #wearetheluckiest
3 months ago
This is every second of my life right now. Lots of excitement, but not a lot of comfort zone. One of the biggest changes I’ve made is to tend to the absolute most important things (and getting clear on what and why they are important) and leaving the rest. The perfectionist in me hates that but boy do I get things done! Learning to change what doesn’t work and maximize what does is so important! What have you done lately to get out of your comfort zone? #successmade#mantra#wearetheluckiest
3 months ago
Hi I’m Chrissy for those of you who may be new! I live in Scranton PA with my partner Nate and 3 cats 🐈. I wear a lot of hats but thankfully all of them are creative...I wasn’t always so lucky! I work as the Revitalization Manager for UNC in Scranton where I run many community initiatives for the South Side neighborhood including @southsidefarmersmarket 🍅🥬
For the last 2 years I’ve been really focused on my painting, committing to an almost daily practice. It’s my therapy, my joy and I’ve been diving into it as a business. Prior to that I was coorganizing the largest Arts Markets in the region with @cristinpowers as ScrantonMade for 6 years. It was a wild ride and I’m proud of how successful we were! We’ve moved on from that to offering coaching & classes to artists and creatives to help them go from starving artists to thriving entrepreneurs!
Some other fun, strange or just unexpected facts about me:
1. I’m an Air Force vet and spent 4 years in Japan and one hot summer in Iraq
2. I’m sober and proud. I consider it my superpower and the foundation for everything I do.
3. I have 5 nieces and nephews and another on the way. I’m a little obsessed
4. I’ve met Marilyn Manson at least 4 times. Another past obsession.
If you’ve read this far, this intro is part of an IG challenge we’re hosting in our FB group- Mindset, Marketing & Business Strategies for Artists and Creatives - if you’d like to play along, DM me for invite! 📷: @cristinpowers#successmade#scrantonmade#creativeentrepreneur#wearetheluckiest