#trustwhatyoufeel There is such truth in this.
I always find it so interesting that some relationships expect more from you than they expect from themselves in relationship with you. It’s #athread that little by little I am removing from my world. #lettinggo , #sayingno , #speakingup , #clearboundaries . I am so grateful for the blessing of @bachas67 , family and kindred family and friends who encourage me to be me and not at the cost of being robbed by energy not worthy of my time. Thank you! 😘 #youmakeadifference
:: S E X : & : I N T I M A C Y ::
If you follow my stories you would have seen Iv had a lot of chat about ORGASM’s, SEX and INTIMACY.
65% of people voted on my poll that they have faked an orgasm with a partner or lover!
Then when I asked WHY! The answers I received were mind blowing!!
Some of the answers were:
*afraid to hurt someone’s feelings
*being in an abusive relationship
*afraid of ruining the moment
*ashamed was taking too long
*afraid they wouldn’t receive better
I brought it up out of interest because early this year it came up in my own healing. When I was asked what I liked, wanted - I froze. For some reason I just couldn’t.
I am sooo used to being in service I just find it so hard to receive. I can’t tell you how vulnerable I felt to be seen fully by someone I cared for.
Our wounds cut SOOOO deep it shows there is so much healing to do independently around:
*COMMUNICATING HONESTLY & LOVINGLY.
To name afew.
It matters GREATLY WHO we choose to be intimate with and that our intimacy comes from a loving place. To support our lover and to equally be supported.
I believe so much more education and awareness needs to be brought forward around INTIMACY and our definition around it. We associate intimacy wth the GOAL of climaxing and cumming....
What if we were to remove the idea that the goal was to cum?
What if intimacy was viewed as a sacred union of two beings, a meditation or an experience to simply explore pleasure with NO END GOAL.
A time to explore touch and our bodies as a whole?
What do you think?
Protect Your Assets From The Disease to Please.
Protect your assets by mastering The Art of setting boundaries.
Boundaries are essential to becoming a healthy adult and effectively balancing your work and personal life.
Boundaries demonstrate commitment to self respect.
Why is this incredible life skill so important ?
Top of the list it defines who you are and is the base of self care and self respect.
Another reason is that it allows you to communicate effectively and opens up the Art of saying the “Gracious “ No
Start today and set healthy limits in all you do Be Gracious
This is a fantastic post from @avivaromm whose #wisewords and insight is always appreciated. 💫
#Repost@avivaromm ・・・ So many women I know don't know how to say no. So they end up overloaded, overwhelmed, and sometimes doing things they actually don't enjoy or feel resentful doing. How often is our body saying, "Say NO," but our mouths say "Yeah, sure, I'll take that on?" It's enculturated good girlness, FOMO, and perfectionism - or sometimes lack of a strong sense of self esteem and the belief that we have the right to prioritize or even consider our own well-being that causes this.
Brene Brown says 'clear is kind.' I couldn't agree more. Being clear on being in a zone in your life where you feel balanced and happy is not selfish, and being chronically stressed and overwhelmed doesn't serve anyone, in fact, it can be very harmful to your health, productivity, and relationships.
Learning how to say no, no thank, or if you're not sure, I'll think about that and get back to you, will transform your entire life. That's a guarantee I can make to you. I teach this to my patients and students all the time - and have seen incredible transformation from overwhelmed to greater inner peace and calm-fidence (add that to your vocabulary and thank you Alex Jamieson for that word!).
We all deserve to be able to say no, without apology, and be respected for it. In every aspect of our lives.
나는 항상 괜찮아, 다 좋아 등의 말을 달고 살았다. 이것도, 저것도 다 괜찮다 하며 정작 괜찮지 않은 상황에서조차도 괜찮다라고 하곤했다. 그런 타인 위주의 말이 주가 되다보니, 어느 순간부터는 내가 정말 괜찮지 않은 것이 맞는지 그 여부도 모를 정도가 되었다.
누군가에게 그런 말을 한 적이 있었다. 내 마음과 머리가 너무 먼 것만 같이 느껴진다고. 바로 그 불편한 상황이 지나고나서야, 나는 내가 불편했다는 것을 자각하기 때문이었다. 그 순간은 괜찮다고 생각하고, 다 좋다고 생각했는데 그 뭔가 모를 찝찝함을 집에 돌아와 되새겨보면, 나는 그 상황이 불편했던 거였다.
Better late than never.
애니어그램 9유형의 사람은 타인 참조형이다. 다른 모든 유형의 성향을 조금씩 가지고 있으며, 모두와 평화를 유지하고 싶어하기에 자기 희생적이다. 그러나, 계속 자신의 욕구를 억제하고 참다보면 어느 순간 걷잡을 수 없이 폭발하게 된다. 엄청난 죄책감을 수반한 채로 말이다.
9유형인 나는 좋아하는 것보다는 싫어하는 것이 상대적으로 뚜렷하다. 그래서, 나를 알아가는 지금 이 순간, 나는 No라는 말을 하는 훈련 중이다. 친구들 모임 속에서, 내가 평소에 좋아하지 않는 매운 음식을 먹자는 의견이 나올 때, 예전같으면 그래 뭐든 좋아 라고 했을 것이고 매운 건 안 먹고 싶어라고 말할 수 있게 되었다. 처음엔 이런 자기 주장이 어색해서 구구절절한 이유를 붙이곤 했다. 내 주장을 제발 납득해 달라는 뉘앙스로 말이다. 나 하나 희생하면 모두가 원하는 걸 얻을텐데라는 자기 희생적인 생각이 툭툭 튀어나오기도 했다. 반대 의견을 내고 나서 속으로 어찌나 불편했던지 모른다.
그런데, 이 굉장히 불편한 No 훈련은 9유형의 사람들에게 매우 중요하다. 자신의 목소리를 대변해줄 사람은 오직 자기 자신 때문이기에. 타인 참조형의 9유형이 건강하게 자신을 표출하고, 때에 필요한 적절한 양의 분노를 건강하게 배출해야 나중에 어마어마한 폭발을 피할 수 있기 때문이다.
무례한 No가 아닌, 단호한 No.
싫은 것에 이유가 어딨어?
saying no is a sign of progress
saying no is a sign of commitment
saying no is a sign of empowerment
saying no can help you fulfill your goals
saying no can support your mental health
saying no can bring you to the right people
~ Yung Pueblo
2 days ago
Sorry for the radio silence over here this week. Whew! I’m officially giving myself an “F” in self-care. I’ve been sick the last few days, which is the first I’ve been sick since, oh, last month. 😷😟 Every time my body intercepts some icky germs, my respiratory/asthma issues act up and it settles into my chest as bronchitis. Time to make some serious changes, to say “no” more and to create some better work/life balance. Hoping that with some work projects wrapping up, that can become a reality. Here’s to a great weekend, more of living life to the fullest and less time spent chained to the computer. Onward and upward!
2 days ago
Saying No - Why and how to say No. If you aren't saying No, you are saying Yes by default.
There is a bible story about Ten Virgins who were to take part in a wedding ceremony. Five were wise and five were foolish. The story goes..
At midnight, all the virgins hear the call to come out to meet the bridegroom. Realising their lamps have gone out, the foolish virgins ask the wise ones for oil, but they refuse, saying that there will certainly not be enough for them to share. While the foolish virgins are away trying to get more oil, the bridegroom arrives. The wise virgins then accompany him to the celebration. The others arrive too late and are excluded.
In this season self preservation is paramount. It is ok to say no. To hold back a little. Don’t let anyone make you feel guilty for withholding something that took you a while to make. No is a valid answer and you are entitled to say it for self preservation.
It is ok to put yourself first. You’ve planned for it, worked for it, refuse to feel guilty for protecting yourself.
MOTHERHOOD | SAYING NO
I think my 20s were a lesson in learning what I stand for, where I want to learn and change more, and ultimately who I want to be. I graduated college, got married, lived abroad, and had my son in my 20s
I never want to stop learning and growing , but I can say now that I’m into my 30s, almost 8 years into marriage, and 20+ years into my walk with Jesus, I know what’s important to me and what isn’t
Becoming a mother shifted a lot of my priorities and perspectives. It also created new fears I never had and pushed me to the end of myself - and continues to
You might be wondering why I’m posting about this, but I made some big changes recently to how I want to use this account, and it isn’t 100% for low waste
I also want to talk about motherhood , business , and lifestyle. I’m expanding my roots and I want to include more of ME into this little grid
Today I’m soaking in these quiet moments with Arlen. I’m squeezing him tight
We aren’t promised safety and security in this life. We aren’t promised health. So today I’m grateful I have those things. I’m grateful I have moments with this awesome little person because in January I’ll have to split my heart into 3
It’s scary loving my husband and son as much as I do. But I couldn’t be anymore grateful for them
I’ve had to learn to say no to love them well. No to doing too much. No to letting the wrong voices and opinions in. No to my phone. No to distractions. I honestly can say, while not always easy, I know it’s holy work raising a human
It’s an honor and privilege I don’t take lightly. It’s the best sacrifice I could make. He is worth every no. Every last one
The joke is funny, but c’mon y’all. They’re not ready for you, so stop it!!
3 days ago
Sometimes in life, we have to say no to something, in order to say yes to something else.
I have said no to some really noble things in the past. But that was in an effort to make it to the place I could say yes.
No to Netflix binge watching sometimes.
No to a gathering of some kind.
No a church function.
No to my family before.
We are not meant to say yes to everything all the time.
Seasons. And sometimes it’s short seasons like a day or a week or a month.
I have said no to that family cookout, so I could get to where we say yes to an Alaskan cruise. No to serving in my church for a short season, so I could say yes to giving in the mission field. No to buying or making some things so I could say yes to this family adventure.
Saying no can be freeing. Only you can decide what the priority is. Don’t short change yourself. Saying yes to ones family, sometimes means saying no at times. We don’t think twice if we have a job to go to, why do we make it a big deal when we are an entrepreneur? You get to decide when to work and when to say yes- but we do have to learn when the no needs to be said.
Pic- Alaska with my family. I actually like the serious face. Do you do serious faces too?
3 days ago
Leí por ahí que decir que no es un arte. En un principio me chocó, pero pronto pensé que en efecto, cualquiera lo dice, pero no muchos consiguen hacerlo desde una plataforma de asertividad, con absoluta sinceridad e, incluso, desde el amor.
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Having a passionate loving relationship with your partner is the ultimate goal for many couples ... but what do you do when you want to say no but don't want to upset your partner.🤷♀️
Being rejected can be so hurtful but also at the same time you don't want to have to have sex with your partner if you're not in the mood - they'll feel it and that's not good either.
So how do you tell them?
Here's some quick tips I give to my clients...
❤ Come up with an agreed way to tell each other that you want sex, for example you can rate how you're feeling on a scale of 1-10 (10 being REALLY ready!) "Honey, I'm feeling like a 9 right now, how about you?"
If you're not feeling up to it you could say "You know, I had a rough day and I'm exhausted, I'm more of a 5, so how about we take a rain check and try again tomorrow, would that be ok?"
This way you're gently telling your partner no, but you're giving them an alternative time so they're not left thinking, but if not now, when?
❤ You could come up with a special phrase, like .... I'm feeling like going to bed early tonight, how about you?
You can use the same reply above (but without the numbers) or say, "yeah, I'm feeling like going to be early tonight too, let's do it" :-)
There are too many to fit into one post but I hope you can see what I'm getting at. Don't leave your partner hanging wondering if there is something wrong with them, or when it's going to happen.
Communicate openly and let them know. It will build trust and emotional intimacy in the relationship and later (at an agreed time, you will also build up the physical intimacy) ;-)
Look out for my next post when I talk about how you can build up the affection side in your relationship.