That day still gives me the chills.
I can still feel the numbness.
The way my ears gave up to the world just so I can hear my own heartbeat,
The way my eyes focused on stretcher, adjusted on your body and blurred to the surroundings,
The way the investigators came up to me to ask me if I knew what happened,
And all I could remember is last night.
When I was resting my head on your chest, your warm breath hitting my forehead and your fingers running down my hair;
You were whispering your love in my ears, which made me smile
Like as if an Angel was humming a melody in my ear;
You kept kissing my forehead, travelled your way down to my nose and then a slight touch on my lips;
And like always, you told me to stay happy and never let negativity take over me.
Hearing those, I drifted off in your arms, to wake up to sirens and an empty bed.
Guilt is what I feel now. Negativity is my new devil. Sadness returned back after a long sleep.
I come here every night, the place where you found peace and happiness. It kills me to know that you always made sure I was happy with life and I never even thought to ask if you were happy; if you were in pain; if you were okay. You were indeed good at hiding yourself, my love. An Angel fooled the human by her smile.
I still carry the note you left on my table that night. The same painful words "I'm sorry, baby. I can sleep with peace now. Just stay happy and smiling. Forgive me." You always smiled. You were always happy and positive. You never took any problem to your head instead just laughed it clean. You made others happy so that they don't feel what you felt.
I always laughed at those who say they can't live without their love. Now I take it back. I'm worthless and nothing without you. You left me without saying goodbye, and took away my smile and happiness and here I am, dying every second knowing that I never made you happy, but you always did.
I know who I am in Christ and it is not what these people have been saying.
My friend, @tonya.sturino tonya.sturino Posted this on her story and it is SO fitting: 2 Timothy 1:7 ““for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.” I’ve had several wonderful people reach out to me privately and ask how I’m holding up mentally after my controversial post and the conversation that ensued. Several times, well-meaning friends have asked if I plan to turn off the comments or take down the post. First off, I never meant to bash anyone or make it a me vs. her battle. That is just silly. This conversation was much larger than that and social media is used as a platform and a way to share and collaborate.
My dear friend, @sonyagilson , posted this photo and I felt it very discerning to go along with my thoughts. I’ll say it again. I know who I am in Christ and it is not what these people have been saying. I was made to live boldly in His image. He who died for me to take away my sins. This is not some kumbaya. This is real life. Are you searching for answers? Make sure you know the right place to look.
Ignorance, intolerance and hate are not a badge of honor , but a stain upon your character. #cyjokes Be sure to be good to one another and laugh.
Please be good to one another today and everyday, please take care of one another today and everyday. Please do not hate one another today or any day, also be sure to laugh .. #cyjokes#nohate#dontbelievelies#orliars