a deadly combination when brought together,
her baby blue eyes in black leather // @rachelc00k shot by me
6 hours ago
I miss you.
It’s fun raising a little girl. She does this little thing when she tilts her head and gives me a smirk. In that moment, she wants me to chase her around the house. The second I make a movement towards her, she giggles and runs as fast as she can in any direction. I inevitably catch her and we roll around on the carpet, tickling each other while letting out belly laughs. Every time we end - we lay on our backs, catch our breath and stare at the ceiling. She climbs up on my chest, gives me a kiss and then tilts her head to start it all over again.
I miss you.
She loves to watch Coco and Frozen right now. The moment she wakes up in the morning, she asks for a bottle, then Coco, then mama and dada. In that order. We try to limit screen time but I’ll never forget how excited she gets when you tell her that she gets to watch her favorite movies. We’ll turn on “Let it go” over the Bluetooth speaker and she’ll lift her head, grinning ear to ear and run straight towards me. She loves to dance and will spin, stomp and jump like the best of them. But “Let it Go”...that’s our song. She runs straight towards me and stands at my knees - looking up with huge, pleading eyes. She doesn’t know how to say it, but it’s her way of saying - “Dad, this is our song - dance with me. Please.” And I lift her up and toss her in the air. She squeals and lands softly back in my arms. We spin and sway and dance like a King and Queen at our very own ball.
I miss you.
Mom, it’s hard raising a little girl without you. I wonder all the time, how you would deal with certain situations. What you would say when I call you up complaining about her sleep schedule. What you say about the way she eats or about how long her hair is. I see you in the way she looks at the world. I feel you in the way she hugs me. I hear you when she sings. I want you here to see me be a dad. I need you here to tell me I’m doing a good job. I miss you mom, I miss you mom, I miss you mom.
Happy Birthday. 🖤
"In 'Seduction Of The Minotaur', Anais Nin says, "We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are". I watch your trembling lips glide along the islands of tenderness around my being. I breathe you in. I listen. I am.
In the quietness of the morning, a story shakes into life. My eyes are the wailing children of the ascending night. There is a strange stillness in you, an expectation of something unnamed. We sit and listen to the wind make names out of noises, an ensemble of disquiet flowing past you, past me and past the rivers we fill with what we leave behind.
Do we really not take anything with us, when we die? And if we don't, how does the universe make sense of the mazy patterns in the sky that only two people had once seen, as the dusk blended into the moonless night?
They say retrospect is where we learn to live, an almost forbidden corridor, where choice and chance shatter and unite. We've been here, you and I, blossoming and withering at the same time. Why do we then end up going back to all the things that make us bleed? How do we outweigh ourselves?
Anais Nin was right, I love you not as you are. I love you as I am. Maybe that counts, maybe that doesn't. Who is keeping count anyway?
Anais Nin in all her wisdom, also once said that love never dies a natural death. I agree. It doesn't. It doesn't die at all.
It merely learns to hide, inside."
- Sayan Sen( @thesayanishere)